the way I am

First off - I love this video - it's cutesy, love this song, love her. Love it :)

Second off - I'm terrified of clowns so I'm not posting her "official" video, but I'm on clown therapy where I'm fortunate enough to have coworkers who are trying to rid me of my fear by clowning me. Clowning is where you are constantly bombarded with clowns via texting or emailing, even printing of pictures and plastering all over your cubicle. Hateful. But helpful.

Third off - I'm on the verge. I've been on the verge for awhile on the relationship aspect. I almost got stuck in the bitter stage of after love, but I think I pulled through quite nicely. Luckily I've recently made some really great friends who keep the world in perspective. It reminds me that I am where I need to be. Well lately there's a bloke who has caught my fancy, which isn't hard to do mind you, but he caught it and is taking it for a run.

I'm excited to see where it goes, I know we all get caught up in the puppy dog stage where everything is great and nothing can go wrong...and sadly that's where it all goes wrong from the start. I'm trying to enter this with the leash held tightly, I want to stay in control and not to let feelings take off and lead me down the same path that I always follow. Bad dog.

I think forced events, jobs - school - busy schedules - different cities, will keep the reality of the situation in the forefront. Normally these would be things that would keep me from a relationship, if you don't have time for me then why should you be with me? But I'm realizing that that concept was retarded from the start, it's like playing blocks and trying to build that giant tower with a circle at the base...can we say topples? You can't control relationships. Period.

Change is good and healthy. I think one of the most unique things about me is that you have my trust from the start. I can look at you and tell if you're a good person or not (Pisces intuition) and it takes a lot for me to lose that trust in you. Most people find it intimidating, how can you trust someone you don't know? Look around...you trust in so much more than you let on. The food prep guy at McDonalds, the cashier at 7-11, the police who patrol the streets. Secretly you're trusting of everyone. You just have to learn to bring that to the surface and let it go. It's okay, I'm not expecting you to just start doing it, you'll do it in your own time and the great thing about life is that it's long and joyful, so there's time.

Anyways back to me :) It's weird when you meet someone that you like. You try to scan out all of the possible futures with that one person until you say what the hey...let's just see what happens. When you don't plan for the magic that's when the magic happens. Every smile is magical. And I long for the magic. My goal is to be me, through and through.