in translation words are lost
when they're spoken pictures painted
only fading into mist
foggy as the memory may be
how clearly one can find me
sitting where I sat where I sit
alone and slightly cracked
like a whore with legs spread open
waiting longing to take you in
verbage means so little
in the passage from your lips
why does one opt for trouble
sealing lies with a kiss
singing like a dove
in the heat of the day
with a chip gently shouldered
where every one is going to pay
the price.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
a sonnet ? :)
smiling
dazzling
glimmering in your light
shining sunshine in your eyes
radiant as a prism
awe inspiring
humbling
dazzling
glimmering in your light
shining sunshine in your eyes
radiant as a prism
awe inspiring
humbling
Monday, April 19, 2010
on the feeling
I base a lot of what I do on feelings. If it feels wrong then I don't do it, if it feels great then I go for it. I've learned to trust this feeling over years of ignorance and misunderstanding...and it's worked out pretty well.
Now I'm based with this overwhelming feeling of...I don't know. In the past couple of months I've been working towards a goal: 30, home ownership, moving, getting fit, investing in a meaningful relationship, and on and on. I'm one of the people who have reached each of the goals set forth but now I'm tapped. I have this broad new scary world where I feel completely goal-less. It feels wrong. The I don't know is terrifying to me.
Randomly I would love to base this on my 3rd week of being sick. My former goals and my desire to fill my time to the brim have ultimately caused an unraveling in my health. I know how to fix it yet I have no desire to do so. Is it the cause of the goal-less, or stubborn, or as the name of the blog predicts - laziness. I can't put a name to it but I know that the beast must be quelled for my mind to clear.
I know that I am blissfully happy at the moment. I know that I'll be blissfully happy for the remainder of my life, no matter fleeting or filled with longevity. But there is something missing and it's beyond time to find it and put right my troubled mind.
New goals loosely based on the ravings of the once insane:
Bathe...in a tub...with solitude and candles and bubbles...yes with bubbles...and soft soothing music to set the soul at ease.
Visit family...whose insight into past and present can calm with knowledge knowing that nothing need be said when you feel at home with those around.
Read a book away from the norm like in the days of old where the world was an oyster and you were but a pearl.
Camp...with nature...basking in the spirits of the earth...
Draw...the finer lines of life will come with clarity of your art.
Paint with colors...brightly lighting the rooms.
These things I have to do but with completion brings back the brink of I don't know.
Now I'm based with this overwhelming feeling of...I don't know. In the past couple of months I've been working towards a goal: 30, home ownership, moving, getting fit, investing in a meaningful relationship, and on and on. I'm one of the people who have reached each of the goals set forth but now I'm tapped. I have this broad new scary world where I feel completely goal-less. It feels wrong. The I don't know is terrifying to me.
Randomly I would love to base this on my 3rd week of being sick. My former goals and my desire to fill my time to the brim have ultimately caused an unraveling in my health. I know how to fix it yet I have no desire to do so. Is it the cause of the goal-less, or stubborn, or as the name of the blog predicts - laziness. I can't put a name to it but I know that the beast must be quelled for my mind to clear.
I know that I am blissfully happy at the moment. I know that I'll be blissfully happy for the remainder of my life, no matter fleeting or filled with longevity. But there is something missing and it's beyond time to find it and put right my troubled mind.
New goals loosely based on the ravings of the once insane:
Bathe...in a tub...with solitude and candles and bubbles...yes with bubbles...and soft soothing music to set the soul at ease.
Visit family...whose insight into past and present can calm with knowledge knowing that nothing need be said when you feel at home with those around.
Read a book away from the norm like in the days of old where the world was an oyster and you were but a pearl.
Camp...with nature...basking in the spirits of the earth...
Draw...the finer lines of life will come with clarity of your art.
Paint with colors...brightly lighting the rooms.
These things I have to do but with completion brings back the brink of I don't know.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Realizations of a Man
When I was a child I never dreamed of becoming an adult. I held this vision of my father as the epitome of what an adult should be, and I never wanted to become what that vision held. So many rules and stipulations came with such a title that I knew then I never wanted to achieve this personification.
As I changed so did my views. Like a clay of mold I began fashioning my thoughts of what an adult should be. I took the roles of actors on tv and in movies, I stole the illusions of strangers and neighbors, and I borrowed the stereotypes from books and stories. I created this crazy perfect image of what an adult should be, how he looks and acts, how he feels and responds, and I realized that this was something that I could never be. I made Ken and realized that Ken was just a doll.
Lost and jaded with silly impossible views I continue'd to deem myself a kid. But being a kid comes with stereotypes and roles to fill as well. And the farther along on that track that I ran I realized I was fitting in less and less. So what is one who is not a kid yet not an adult? Where did I fit in?
Finally realization hit me. I, am, an adult. There was no visible transformation. No bells or whistles or songs or praise when it happened. Somewhere along my obsessing over who I was it just happened. I woke up and I was the vision of an adult through and through. Not the perfect representation that I had always thought I would become. I still claim flaws and shortcomings and I accept that I will always have them. But it came in that acceptance...the acceptance of who I am.
One could say that I'm an adult because I am 30. Another could say because I own my own home. Younger folk could say it's because I have my own car or dog or Wii or TV. So many different reasons to list it's no wonder I walked dazed and confused for so long.
I smile today because I realize that I am a man. I don't know when it fully happened or how it happened. But I know that my road was long and wrought with many battles. I had to change me, the way I thought and reacted and responded. I had to accept my shortcomings and the shortcomings in others. I had to accept the good in me and the great in others. I had to take life a day at a time. I had to smile through the twists and turns. I had to or I'd never be able to see myself as anything more than a kid.
With this new realization comes a sense of empowerment. I am no longer...just a kid.
As I changed so did my views. Like a clay of mold I began fashioning my thoughts of what an adult should be. I took the roles of actors on tv and in movies, I stole the illusions of strangers and neighbors, and I borrowed the stereotypes from books and stories. I created this crazy perfect image of what an adult should be, how he looks and acts, how he feels and responds, and I realized that this was something that I could never be. I made Ken and realized that Ken was just a doll.
Lost and jaded with silly impossible views I continue'd to deem myself a kid. But being a kid comes with stereotypes and roles to fill as well. And the farther along on that track that I ran I realized I was fitting in less and less. So what is one who is not a kid yet not an adult? Where did I fit in?
Finally realization hit me. I, am, an adult. There was no visible transformation. No bells or whistles or songs or praise when it happened. Somewhere along my obsessing over who I was it just happened. I woke up and I was the vision of an adult through and through. Not the perfect representation that I had always thought I would become. I still claim flaws and shortcomings and I accept that I will always have them. But it came in that acceptance...the acceptance of who I am.
One could say that I'm an adult because I am 30. Another could say because I own my own home. Younger folk could say it's because I have my own car or dog or Wii or TV. So many different reasons to list it's no wonder I walked dazed and confused for so long.
I smile today because I realize that I am a man. I don't know when it fully happened or how it happened. But I know that my road was long and wrought with many battles. I had to change me, the way I thought and reacted and responded. I had to accept my shortcomings and the shortcomings in others. I had to accept the good in me and the great in others. I had to take life a day at a time. I had to smile through the twists and turns. I had to or I'd never be able to see myself as anything more than a kid.
With this new realization comes a sense of empowerment. I am no longer...just a kid.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
where's my receipt
Totally random :)
Bought on the corner at the 5 and dime, from wrinkled dollars to a simple smile, where happy memories will always shed light and the passings of past will haunt me at night, in a dreamer's longboat with glittering oars whose passing leaves wakes that turn into storms that soak to the bone and chill to the core as Death say's "Hello can you take anymore?"
Skipping to home with a humming strut while vainly reminding to suck in the gut while ponder over yonder with a fancy doo da, is it me who left that mark with a claw? Keeping time to the rhythm of a dancer's feet, soft whispers with shuffles announcing their leaps as they soar through the air with a gazelle's grace til they touch down again and fall right to their face, gasping and crying they reach for their eyes where inside their head they find their surprise for they lost them when falling down onto their knees and the objects were safely carried off by the bees who know not what they have in their insectlike grasp but they know it's a treasure that now they posess and you think to yourself "oh why did I leave" and after thoughts that still linger "hey where's my receipt?"
Bought on the corner at the 5 and dime, from wrinkled dollars to a simple smile, where happy memories will always shed light and the passings of past will haunt me at night, in a dreamer's longboat with glittering oars whose passing leaves wakes that turn into storms that soak to the bone and chill to the core as Death say's "Hello can you take anymore?"
Skipping to home with a humming strut while vainly reminding to suck in the gut while ponder over yonder with a fancy doo da, is it me who left that mark with a claw? Keeping time to the rhythm of a dancer's feet, soft whispers with shuffles announcing their leaps as they soar through the air with a gazelle's grace til they touch down again and fall right to their face, gasping and crying they reach for their eyes where inside their head they find their surprise for they lost them when falling down onto their knees and the objects were safely carried off by the bees who know not what they have in their insectlike grasp but they know it's a treasure that now they posess and you think to yourself "oh why did I leave" and after thoughts that still linger "hey where's my receipt?"
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Just be yourself
Everyone changes constantly throughout life. This constant evolution is what makes you who you are. You can change it for the better, or for the worse. But I hope, as well as the world hopes, that you choose it for the better.
I find in life that people are always trying to fit a mold. They want to fit in so badly in a niche or circle when they might be a triangle or a square and it just doesn't work. My advice to them is contained in the title...be yourself. We are conditioned to aspire to be Barbie or Ken. But the only one's who can be Barbie and Ken are in fact Barbie and Ken. It's that simple.
Take stock of who you are, what are your passions and your dreams, what makes you tick and what stops your heart. That is who you are. Don't let the status quo beat you down when you act yourself. Your uniqueness is what makes you an individual. And those that do beat you down are the sheep. Granted, some can be wolves and yes wolves travel in packs...but do you really want to be that mean? Sheep let the wolves attack, sheep let the wolves tear them down and beat on them and in effect make them sheep. But what if the wolves are sheep too. Each one doing what the other does to fit in and to maintain their status. Sheep.
Have you ever seen a purple haired wolf? Maybe a bleach blonde one yes...
Point taken right? You, allow me to capitalize that, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL just the way you are. Do not feel that you have to be anything more, anything less, anything but who you are. You don't have to one up to fit in. You don't have to shy away when conversation turns into dark waters. Speak your mind and be yourself. Odds are that if you are with sheep they will turn away yes...but there are other you's out there who will appreciate the you that you are. Lastly, the only way a wolf can get you is if you make yourself a victim...being you is a threat to their existence, and yes they will attack, but if you are YOU and you are strong in YOU then you've already won.
Just be yourself, who knows...it might catch on.
I find in life that people are always trying to fit a mold. They want to fit in so badly in a niche or circle when they might be a triangle or a square and it just doesn't work. My advice to them is contained in the title...be yourself. We are conditioned to aspire to be Barbie or Ken. But the only one's who can be Barbie and Ken are in fact Barbie and Ken. It's that simple.
Take stock of who you are, what are your passions and your dreams, what makes you tick and what stops your heart. That is who you are. Don't let the status quo beat you down when you act yourself. Your uniqueness is what makes you an individual. And those that do beat you down are the sheep. Granted, some can be wolves and yes wolves travel in packs...but do you really want to be that mean? Sheep let the wolves attack, sheep let the wolves tear them down and beat on them and in effect make them sheep. But what if the wolves are sheep too. Each one doing what the other does to fit in and to maintain their status. Sheep.
Have you ever seen a purple haired wolf? Maybe a bleach blonde one yes...
Point taken right? You, allow me to capitalize that, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL just the way you are. Do not feel that you have to be anything more, anything less, anything but who you are. You don't have to one up to fit in. You don't have to shy away when conversation turns into dark waters. Speak your mind and be yourself. Odds are that if you are with sheep they will turn away yes...but there are other you's out there who will appreciate the you that you are. Lastly, the only way a wolf can get you is if you make yourself a victim...being you is a threat to their existence, and yes they will attack, but if you are YOU and you are strong in YOU then you've already won.
Just be yourself, who knows...it might catch on.
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