Storytime Thursday - Nuts

It wasn't until I saw the squirrel running out of my open front door that I realized that I had been robbed. There he was in his brown furry glory, trailing a can of mixed nuts by a string hanging from his mouth. He looked smug. By the time I reached the end of my driveway my mouth had hit my lap causing me to accelerate almost too quickly. No, no I did not hit the garage door. And no, no I did not stop.

Fuming I kept accelerating while turning the wheel as fast as I could. The tires squealed loudly as I detoured through my yard and over the corner of my porch. I caught air. The jolt almost knocked some sense into me when the car landed, but seeing the thief skittering down the street while noisily trailing a can of mixed nuts behind him made me see red. I gunned it.

With my tires squealing I zoomed down the street chasing the culprit. The sound of the can dragging down the street was so loud it was like it was all around me. 'No squirrel was going to get the best of me' I thought as I chased violently after him. I swear I saw him look back at me and stick his tongue out.

Zigging and zagging I followed speedily. The beast was fast, so fast he left a dust trail when he cut across a neighbor's yard. I caught air as I hit the curb with a loud popping sound. I ignored everything but the squirrel, I was gaining on him.

I slammed on the breaks as the bastard stopped and ran underneath the car. I saw the can of mixed nuts bounce above my hood before being drug underneath the car and disappearing from sight. I quickly put it in reverse thinking he had made his worst decision yet.

Back over the curb I bounced. Seeing my bumper mangled in the yard infuriated me even further. "See what you did!", I screamed as I searched frantically for him. I spotted the can being drug into some bushes across the street. "Aha!", throwing it back in drive I gunned it for the bushes.

I didn't realize that the bushes hid a cozy little brick wall until it was too late. My windshield wipers were useless in removing the chunks of brick that now covered my car. But I was closer to the monster now. I could feel the strain on his little twig legs and I saw the sweat pouring from his brow.

Thinking to undo me he headed straight for a tree. Hot on the tail of the mixed nuts I followed where the tricky bugger did a circle and darted back towards the brick wall. 'That must be his home', I thought as I started gaining on him again.

Shock is the only thing I can think of to explain seeing him release the string and jump on a nearby trash can, it's the only thing that can explain why I kept going. Life went to slow motion then as I sped past the trashcan where he was perched. I caught his eyes as he flipped me off before he flew from the trashcan and right onto my face. I'm quite sure I screamed like a woman moments before his sharp claws penetrated my face. Have you ever smelled a sweating squirrel? The stench, I will tell you, is awful.

Resting softly on a giant pillow, drooling happily, in my dreams I heard the voice of a man calling to me. I was eating from my newly recovered can of mixed nuts and everything was right in the world, why was this man shouting angrily? As I slowly opened my eyes I saw the owner of the voice and a very shiny badge. Behind him, far behind yet close enough to be seen clearly, was the squirrel...munching on my nuts. I groaned before passing out once again.

The fish

Ruled by the sun and the moon
longing to spend time with them both
torn between moments when sunlight is bright
and darkness lays down his black cloak

Wanting to be with the day
to prance and frolic and play
splashing with waves in the warm summer sun
where fun whiles the worries away

Wishing the comfort of night
where every dark corner filled fright
dancing the streets where no one can see
to be the lone ruler of night

Together they both provide life
to thrive to live and survive
the fish moves along in his lazy fish pond
swimming circles to feel alive

you're all the time believing the very best in all but the devil was an angel, til he took a little fall.

In evaluating my current position in life, because it always changes and always will, I've decided that I'm happy but not happy with where I am. I was looking through some older pictures at about this time, trying to discover where I was back then. The first thing that struck me was that I had buzzed my hair like I've done now. Besides the fact that the receding hairline has claimed more real estate I looked exactly the same. But is everything the same?

When looking at the past I've learned that you cannot dwell on the past. The past is who you were at that given time, the events of life that have occured since then have changed you to who you are now, yet if you dwell on the past then you will be lost longing for what you were, in turn denying who you are now. It's not a pretty spiral to slide down. Be happy with you.

In this evaluation I liked who I was. This was pre-house and pre-Beyonce and back in the days of the evil Jeep with her many problems. Besides the obvious differences there was one thing that I was doing without fail, one thing that I've neglected in the past 6 months that has left a hole that is slowly growing bigger. I've divorced the gym...

Never have I been a gym bunny or a muscle head. I'm a little guy and will probably always be a little guy. I can accept that. But lately I've let myself go. I find the ease and comfort of being home much more welcome than the sweat and judginess of others at the gym. Before it was go go go never go home let's go work out let's do this let's do that let's drive around let's go go go. Now it's a gentle whisper in the back of my head filled with sorrow, a small small small voice saying "hey you, let's go work for it, you deserve it." But the oatmeal cream pie in the cabinets scream louder.

I've let myself go. And I don't like it.

On the plus side, my Pisces brain has convinced me that giving up soda will somehow correct the problem. That giving up the 4 bottles a day of Mountain Dew will shed the handles of love that have taken up residence and trim me back down to little guy stature. The reality is that yes, it will help, but no, it won't do it all.

With the fog of headaches from the withdrawal finally behind me I believe that I can make it happen. One small step at a time to living healthy again. I like to imagine that when I do start again the results will be insane. I also like to imagine that I live in a castle and have a silver tiara. Pipe dreams. Just remember that all pipes lead to open water where the fish truly do swim free.

Fridays are for Dreaming

When I was a Knight of the round
with Excalibur sword and long flowing gown
Where I battled the enemies of sweet Camelot
who were raiding and looting all that they sought
on the fields of green that soon turned red
when her warriors unleashed their terrible dread
in the name of Arthur they rallied the call
for the memory of name would bring their downfall

We feasted on bounty prepared with care
while recounting of tales that were slurred with beer
where the minstrels and maidens aimed to please
and the lord's enemies were brought to their knees
for nothing could break the city so sweet
who's banners shone brightly and fluttered in breeze
when the sun lightened walls with a glowing glare
one would wonder if she was really there

Such a sight to my eyes doth the memory still burn
like the night long ago when the city had turned
and the turmoil and savagery was brought to the streets
and the secrets of Camelot were no longer discreet
when the tower came crashing and pummeling down
sending madness and chaos throughout the town
with awe in my eyes I could only stare
before turning away like I was never there
when I was a knight of the round
glory and honor abound
____________________________

I'm quite possibly in love with the following song, there's no video for it yet so I'm posting what was available. They have a theatrical/musical appeal to this song that leaves me to dream. I only hope that when they do make a video they capture the artistic vision that I see, or do it even better. Care to dream with me?

existence

Behold the power in my hands as I create. Existence.

With the remnants of Hermine bearing down on the plains I can't help but feel giddy. Being a Pisces I thrive with water, and this tropical storm has provided me with lots to thrive on. Oh how I long to be at home watching, basking, glowing.

I know not what is in store for this creative evening, but I know I will create. With all of the forces swirling around me it would be a shame not to take hold, and through pure force of will, shape something into creation.

Today I am.

from whence I came

As the breath
falls down my neck
with icy silence do I gasp
and grip the wheel to take a left
and remove myself from this beaten path
where shivers rumble through my spine
I feel the movement from behind
but terror keeps from taking look
where demons haunt in every nook
it's dark from whence I came
and light casts but a fleeting flame
to taunt and laugh as I hear my name
in the dark from whence I came.
____________________________________________________________________

Looking back on roads forgotten I find myself on the precipice overlooking a crystal clear lake. With fierce winds blowing and a fright of falling head over heel I back away slowly as I stare in wonder at the waves. The reflection of the hills and valleys, green and lush in summer glory, captures the mist in my eyes. I long to go forward on the adventure. I fear the fall, I fear the fall.

With satchel clamped securely I inch forward slowly, breathing deeply, breathing strongly. Upon the choices given in life I work my way down the pedestal towards the verdant green. The great unknown is calling and with it rides determination. Speaking my name. Calling softly. Musically. I sing the songs of glory as they tumble through my head, a focus steady drumming to scare away the dread. I will not fall, I will not fall.

The rocks so sharp with pain to gain in life I cannot see. A new horizon welcomes me as a slide on shaky feet. It is my will for it is my wish and it was my dream to be. Where climbing mountains tis of thee can lead to shiny sea. And with majestic majesty...do I long to dream.

Waking on the forest floor with sky marred half by night. I stare up towards the precipice of where I was before. Alive I check for scathings on the skin that armor is. Finding naught but scrapes and scratches I smile deep within. A bruise will form I can feel it now, a gentle reminder that I lived, a gentle reminder that I live.

With satchel restored to proper tightness and song checked in my head, I resume the walk. Slowly for I hurt. I follow no path for the light shows me none. Using senses honed by time I discover. The lake with waves so high it speaks and sows a story so deep. A memory that was long forgot buried deeply in my soul. Dredges itself in the pool of thoughts beckoned by water's fold. The mist in my eyes overcome the dam where it pooled itself comfortably. With tears rolling down my dirt stained face I wake from peaceful dream, I wake from peaceful dream.

the murky waters

I have fat fingers that sometimes like to push more than one button at a time. I get hasty, I feel that I should rush through whatever I'm doing for fear of losing the thoughts that I've constructed in my brain. But I mess up, I make mistakes, and I try to correct them. But my brain continues on the path causing my fingers to mash out response after uncomprehending response until I'm forced to halt completely until my fingers have caught up, but by then the brain has forgotten what it was saying.

Apply this to life. I remember things well, however it takes a few for the memory to dredge itself up from the caverns of my giant head. This works well for listening as I like to believe I'm one of the best listeners you will find and I can provide good advice without taking sides (drama free advice), however it works poorly if you ask what where we just talking about. My brain is like a churning pool, always twisting in the mire, whose waves are heavy with knowledge, but like the river slowly moving.

And thus I go through life. Never one to fully remember the saying that made the trip grand, never able to repeat the exact phrase that made me snort milk, nor able to recall the conversation where I gave the best advice of my life. I remember the feeling more than the words that accompanied it, I remember the responses of emotions that followed the utterances. I remember but I don't.

For this I seem aloof. Always a part of the conversation yet somewhat away at the same time. I contribute if I have something to say, but when it topics on something that I'm not familiar or find terribly boring I smile and absorb it, I file it away for later use if ever the use should arise, and I await the moment that my voice finds comfort to speak again.

It's worse when the group is large. I love groups, I love to gather as many friends around as possible, yet I am quiet in those settings. Not that I don't have anything to say, I panic in the face of attention. I'm always more of me in a situation where it's one on one, or two...or maybe even three. But put more than that and watch me observe...it is my 'fault', and I am working on it, and given time can overcome.