paint

I set a goal, one within reason, within reach, within my capabilities. And I reached that goal. Piece by little piece are the semblances of my home life coming together.

Thanks to Stephen, a great motivation I am finding, I have finally painted my kitchen. Gone are the banana colored walls, to be replaced with Orange Ice (think sherbet ice cream). The change was instantaneous, going from dull and lifeless to thought provoking and hunger striking, yes...it really does make me hungry when I see it. My hopes are that it will inspire me to cook more, which is not in my forte but being as I'm 30 and should consider myself a grown up I should not survive off of microwave meals and Taco Bell...but oh how I love Taco Bell.

To have a project of this magnitude done is inspiring. First, because I've put it off for so long. Second, because I have the itch now. I want to paint more, well not really...to clarify I want to get the rest of the house done. In my repetoire of to-do's I have my bedroom and the living/dining room to do. These are all simply done as the color has been picked out and the supplies are there, it just requires a bit more of that motivation. But what to do first?

The great thing is that I have completed a task and can now move on to another one. I promise that I won't start right away, I mean I am the lazy perfectionist and I rush for no man, thing, blah blah blah. I'll do it in my own time, but it makes the perfectionist in me happy to no end.
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Long ago I made promise after promise to call my mom at least once a week, only to fail and fail again that I never made the call and then would dread having to explain why I haven't called filling it with empty excuses. Needless to say my mom and I have come to terms that pretty much we're not going to call unless the mood strikes or there is something crazy going on with the family. My siblings have all been forced into that mode as well. Luckily most of my friends are texters, versus callers, so I pretty much avoid the above situation with them. Also add in that Facebook is so easily accessible that verbal communication with friends or family is almost extinct...that's a weird thought.

But lately I've been lacking in even the texting department. I used to be this guy who would write long essay type emails filled with all kinds of useless thoughts and ramblings about whatever might have happened that day. After a series of "oh crap I've said too much" moments I have cut it back considerably. It doesn't feel natural to not write a lot, it's what I do and it's who I am. But for fear of leaving the reader bored out of their mind I've toned it down. I want to revert back, I want to spread my useless knowledge in cleverly written emails that go on for days and days, but time prevents this from happening. Time, inspiration, work...all kindling for the flame that blocks my path you could say.

So please take this as an "I'm sorry for not responding". I want to, and I will soon :)

Side note: When I first purchased my phone I was excited for touch screen and thought I would love it forever. That feeling lasted maybe a month. It's slow, it freezes up on me, it kills processes randomly, and it randomly won't send texts when it says I have all 4 bars. My thoughts are that I'll be switching to the Iphone very soon and I imagine that I'll love it for a month before hating it as well :P

My longing to be technologically savvy is stunted by my granola bearings in life.

dissipator

On feelings where I base most of my actions I am defined by tons. I recently changed my relationship status, and the feedback has been great, the spreading of the tale has been well received and well wishes harmoniously intertwine with good luck. I am happy.

A dear friend ditched me. With plans made to movie watch and food explore were swept under the rug to be forgotten. The recent news crushed the event. I responded with "oh...". What did it mean? As the heaviness of the feeling that I cannot escape is that there was more, so much more attached to the friendship than what I allowed myself to see, than what I allowed myself to recognize.

I ponder longer and longer whether the case is lone. Whether the feeling that I base all upon has been tainted, or blinded, or if it has gone lazy like me. Or has it been lazy all along? Do I do this to myself? Do I lead those along to my whim in hopes that they'll be there when I call? Even without intentions was intention there?

I'm met with dismay and sadness on a happy day. I've been thrust upon a field of change that was a slight repercussion of the change that I've created. Yet I feel that this will not be the only recourse, this will not be the only crack in the foundation of what I thought was real. With my glowing happiness doth I create sparks that cause bridges to burn. But one can believe that entering into a union does the bridge disappear.

I am me. I have not changed the me that I am, nor will I ever to fit in. I like, no...I love, who I am. I've built my life around me, I've filled it with great people who allow me to shine and who shine with the allowance that I can provide. That does not change because of a relationship, nor will it ever. He is he and I am me and together a we shall we be, yet always a he and always a me for if we were we then never a he or me.

I will be the dissipator who disperses the dark clouds on the horizon.

unpacked bags

Unpacking the bags that I've packed long ago
when the windows were shuttered, packed, covered with snow
to the hearth with the fire where I loose my desire
and I look in your eyes to see the surprise
that I'm staying, I'm staying I don't want to leave
can you feel the excitement that's carried on breeze
with the smoke up the chimney and out on the roof
go my hopes and my dreams as they travel with luck
and I'm grasping, I'm grasping at colorful straws
for your hand as it's blurry for it lingers not long
where I shudder quite deeply when into your eyes
sparks the sinister smile that prompted goodbye
a teardrop the size of a giant's fist
crashes to flame with the sound of a kiss
with the sputters and mutters of flame long gone dry
a whisper escapes where you tell me...

purring

to purr - to make a low vibrant sound, usually considered as expressing pleasure.

If you were to run into me today I believe that you would say I was purring. Not an overtly loud obnoxious purring mind you...this purr is from absolute contentment. I may have found my muse, and she's leading me down a path of inspiration that hasn't been tapped for years. I make no promises with the exception of saying I will finish what needs to be done so the block that I've created in myself can fully dissipate.

No, I still haven't painted the kitchen. But, I did put together a desk that has been sitting in my office in its box for over 3 weeks. Plus, I washed the dogs. I'm finally realizing the things that need to be done and I'm embarking on the journey to do them.

Being I'm a Pisces it is quite difficult to stay focused. Allow the story of the power drill to provide some insight into the former statement: After setting out all parts I decide that I need to get the power drill and screwdriver from my laundry room. Upon arrival at the laundry room I see that the clothes are finally finished washing, I proceed to empty the dryer, load the washing machine and then take the clothes into the bedroom. Once in the bedroom I lay them out intending to put them up when I realize that I forgot the drill. I abort the clothes and proceed back into the laundry room to get the drill, upon arrival again I see that the dogs need food and water. I proceed to fill their bowls and start heading back into the office to finish the desk. What did I forget again? The drill. I head back to the laundry room and pick it up finally, but forget the screwdriver, luckily I realize this and stop in the dining room and put down the drill. I head back to the laundry room and pick up the screwdriver. Upon arrival in the kitchen I retrieve a glass of water which then makes me want to have a smoke. I head to the front porch and puff away for a few before returning to the office to continue on the desk...without the drill. Let's just say the desk took 3 1/2 hours to complete and I learned a valuable lesson that I should always have all supplies available before I start a project.

I have many more projects to finish, but I feel armed with a better knowledge and understanding of the way I work so that I can complete them. This provides a huge amount of comfort which adds to my contentment.

I am a smitten kitten with a purr that could calm the world.

the power in a name

I was reading an email this morning about a child's perspective of what love is. My favorite quote is this: "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." This got me to thinking about my previous week, my life, and my loves. I say loves with pride, because I am fortunate that I have been in love before and I know I will again. But this child's statement puts love in a simplistic form that can be easily understood.

Think about it, when you say the name of a family member (or pet) you somewhat say it with a smile. When you hear your name come from the lips of someone who loves you, you can hear the smile on their face as well. If you were to hear your name from someone in passing you can definitely feel the unfamiliarity of the word as it escapes with their voice. A name holds power, a name can strike fear or infuse strength, the way the name is said is magical.

For this child to say "you know that your name is safe in their mouth" is moving to me. I noticed it this prior week, how only the kindest and most moving people were given my name, and when the word came from their mouth it was captivating to me. Whereas people that I'd known longer threw around my name with a lazy flair, there was no love, there was no safety. I'm not worried about that, they can continue to lazily throw my name about in their own careless way, I'm not worried because it is their loss. They miss out on knowing the true me, and the bonus is that they've created a space where someone else did get to know the true me. I want my name to be safe in the mouths of those that I care about, and luckily in life you get to choose who is able to care about yourself.

This kind of goes along with my plan of dismissing the old who don't contribute in my life. Saying goodbye to the hi friends. And saying hello to the friends who take care of my name. On the same note I want to be able to say another's name with the same care.


Totally random thought: As we were on our flight home my roomie from the hotel witnessed a middle eastern male board the plane wearing a turban. My roomie proceeded to say "oh shit" and make some comments about this to another Oklahoman about the passenger. He looked at me to include me in the conversation but I gave him a blank stare. In my head I'm thinking why are you being an ass about him? Does he not have the same rights as we to fly the skies? I wanted to voice these words but I did not. I feel guilty because I did not. I know it's not my place to right all the wrongs in the world, and I feel good that I did not contribute in the beratement of another fellow human being. But I should have said something...and now that moment has passed and I will always live in the slight shame that I didn't speak up on something that I cared about.

I will never say something about another person that I would not want said about myself. I will perform no actions against another creature that I would not want performed against me. I will do no wrong to others when wrong is not what they deserve. These are my beliefs and what I strive to live by, but why can I not speak up for those who are living their lives like me, one day at a time.

As the final passengers finish boarding there is one guy who walks on with a box covered in a black plastic bag, the plastic bag is secured by massive amounts of duct tape so the box maintains it's shape. My roommate looks at me and we both bust out laughing. It's funny what events in our culture has made humorous given certain situations.

airport edition

You go to the gay softball world series for many different reasons. Some people go for the games, they are the hardcore, the dedicated. They want to win and they will do all that they can to do so. This event was made for them. Others go for the experience. For the chance to meet up with up with other people who are like themselves but from a different state or country. No matter why, everyone should go.

If you were to say to me that I would go and have the best experience of my life, making true friends for life and never want to leave I would think that you were crazy. Luckily however it's how it happened for me. Allow me to spill my thoughts from this crazy once in a lifetime trip.

First off, Grindr I hate you. It's somewhat sickening to see almost every gay guy in Columbus checking his phone to see if someone has responded to them. It's even more sickening to attempt to have a conversation with a supposedly great friend where it's one sided because they are Grindr'ing instead of chatting. I understand that Grindr allows you to be who you are without having to embarass yourself with social awkwardness. But how are you supposed to improve your social awkwardness if you don't put yourself in those social situations? I had some great Canadians explain this to me a bit - for some people (like themselves) Grindr is a free outlet to keep in touch with friends, granted they see their friends business because hello it's all thrown out there for you to see, but where texting or phone calls can get pricey and what not Grindr is free and fast. Kind of like Yahoo chat but catered to the gay folk. I learned while chatting with them that my dislike of this social network is caused a bit by ghosts of the past. Knowing this helps but it still does not bring a desire to join the revolution. I'll stick to Facebook...it's safer :P

This week was a great way to be myself in a place where the fear of being judged was non existent. The atmosphere was relaxed and laid back, everyone was there to have a good time. This made it extremely easy to make friends with new people. A quick synopsis of our country is: East coast and West coast is coated with the most unfriendly people. The central states by far have the friendliest people in the world. Canadians from Toronto or Montreal have an air of betterness aboot them (yes aboot is spelled wrong on purpose). Canadians from Vancouver are by far the nicest people in the world.

I spent most of my week with the latter. Canada is probably the most liberal and free country in the world, granted they pay for it, but as a whole they are the most laid back. This makes their people very friendly and open to new ideas and experiences. Pizza on the lawn of the Ohio state capitol? Yes please. Seriously they are the reason this was the best vacation ever. It's always fun when you can laugh at every other word someone says because they're pronouncing it wrong :)

So I went on this trip in hopes of making better friends with my teammates, but I have to say that I'm sadly disappointed with them. The team is so disorganized that there were no team dinners and poor communication on when to get together. Best statement: It was high school all over again. This pretty much led me to search out the Canadians, thank jeebus for them! Don't get me wrong, I like my teammates and I really got to know a couple of them and I'm extremely grateful, but I realized that they definitely are younger than me. Also - see the Grindr paragraph :)

I'm pretty sure I'm going to write more about this experience and the trip as a whole...because I could talk for days about it. But this being the airport edition means that I don't have as much time as is required.

Best realization: I like who I am.

discovery

As Columbus once sailed the grand expanses of the ocean in discovery of a bright new world, I too am discovering what Columbus has to offer. Starting off this is a business vacation for me. I'm here for softball first and foremost. In some minds this is a trip to party and party they will do, but not in mine. I came to play, to do my best, and to hopefully win.

With that said...it's hard not to party. But partying in moderation is not such a bad thing. I didn't arrive until after 9pm Ohio time, that led to finding where the teammates were located, who of course were out at the bars. Now there are 160 some odd teams from all across America here. Add 10 to 20 people per team and you will quickly realize that Columbus has been inundated with quite possibly some of the most fit, hottest gay guys you could ever find. It's horribly tempting to whore yourself out. Good thing I'm not a whore.

It's funny to me how the Grindr revolution has taken hold. I personally don't feel the need, nor desire, to subscribe to this. Call me old fashioned but I believe there are better ways to find guys and "hook up", and viewing your naked pics just doesn't do it for me. Nevertheless, there are soooooo many dudes on Grindr doing just that. What ever happened to the smile and a "hello"?

Anywho...hot guys, all looking to hook up, and I'm here to play ball...not that kind of ball silly, softball. This is going to be the strangest, possibly most innuendo filled, most fulfilling self discovery week that I could ever have given myself. I knew that I'd be in for some craziness....but I don't think that I fully grasped the scope of it.

Favorite random elevator quote from the weekend: "OKC boys are the hottest, and we're from LA so that should say something". I wonder if smog has dulled something in them :)

I sit watching people today in anticipation of the upcoming games. This shall be a grand day in a grand city with grand people.

the aimless arrow

First off, I discovered Jay Brannon just yesterday from my buddy Stephen. Not only does he have a beautiful voice, but he's gay and is proud of who he is. He releases everything on Youtube so if you get a chance you should check him out.

This entire week has been drull. I don't know if it's vacation anticipation or if it's because the moon is sextiling with Venus in Libra (sounds dirty) or some craziness like that. But it doesn't just seem like it's me. Everyone seems just a little bit off. Well needless to say the depression monster has dipped his claws into my brain once again. It's okay, I think some forms of depression are healthy. Plus his name is Bill and he makes delicious tea.

Anyways, I feel aimless. I have all of these projects and things that need to be done yet I have no motivation to do them. Heck...I don't even know where to begin when I do get motivated to do something. I've gone on this rampage of buy buy buy and have neglected anything to do with maintain. I have a stable home yet I feel that I'm letting everything around it fall apart. That is by no means a comforting thought.

I'm hoping that it's all chalked up to the dry days of summer. Everything is dying outside and the heat is almost unbearable. This makes it hard to get motivated to do anything outdoors, heck it makes it hard to do anything period.

With a visit from Bill also comes a visit from phlegm build-up, allergies, and a cough. I think if I can get rid of Bill's homies then I can get rid of Bill. I just hope I can do it before the weekend, and if not at least before next week.

After all of these years of in and out relationships this song hits home. I'm pre-conditioned to be a housewife in many ways. I long for it sometimes. Don't get me wrong I enjoy being on my own and having it all to myself...I am in fact selfish in many ways. But what I miss is the direction, the honey do this honey do that. I need that direction. With it's vacancy I have no motivation to complete the tasks that I have before me. Backwards? Yes.

thank you weekend

Last week was a purely unmotivational week. I had failure to thrive times 5. Every day I did the least amount of work available to keep my conscience from feeling terrible about not actually working. I still have failure to thrive...but I'm getting more accomplished.

I don't hate my job, I just dislike what I do even though it's fascinating and I'm a pivitol part of the maintenance process. The things that I've learned in excel can be skills that will take me far should I ever pursue another career, I just don't see that happening. Also, even though I dislike what I do, I have a lot of leeway on how I accomplish my tasks. And an added bonus is that I can practically wear what I want (within reason) and can take off whenever needed with no questions asked. Okay enough about that part, I'm lucky to be where I am so I can't complain. It's just sooooo boring.

This weekend I was privy to a great time that makes all of the work worth it. Starting with a great dinner at Cheever's on Friday followed by movie night with friends followed by night swimming and snuggling. Friday set the tone for how the weekend was going to be because it was such a great time. I really do have some great friends and continue to meet fun and fabulous people!

Saturday was my favorite day because I drove up to Tulsa where I treated the women folk in my family to mani/pedi's. My mom and sister had never had them done before! It was a great feeling to be able to provide something to them that would make them feel great, and great they felt. We followed that up with lunch at Smashburgers (delicious!)... Overall it was great to hang out with them, away from the husbands and kids. I truly look forward to another girl's date where we can all do something else to make us feel pretty. :)

Another round of night swimming and a trip to the bars finished up Saturday. I was fortunate enough to hang out with my old roomies, who I hadn't seen in like a month. Overall Saturday was an awesome day filled with reconnecting with those that I hadn't seen in awhile.

Sunday was brutally hot. I brunched at Pearl's where I was there for literally two hours. Great company makes bad service bearable. Then I had a date with the sun and my PS3, both of whom appreciated me spending time with them. And topped off Sunday with softball practice. 2 1/2 hours of running, sweating, gasping, and inviting soreness into my body. However my confidence in my softball abilities has risen and I am feeling a lot better about how we'll do at the Gay Softball World Series next week.

So thank you weekend, you were everything I had hoped for and more. You reinforced confidence in myself, which was needed badly. I miss you already, but I look forward to many more great ones to come.

the way I am

First off - I love this video - it's cutesy, love this song, love her. Love it :)

Second off - I'm terrified of clowns so I'm not posting her "official" video, but I'm on clown therapy where I'm fortunate enough to have coworkers who are trying to rid me of my fear by clowning me. Clowning is where you are constantly bombarded with clowns via texting or emailing, even printing of pictures and plastering all over your cubicle. Hateful. But helpful.

Third off - I'm on the verge. I've been on the verge for awhile on the relationship aspect. I almost got stuck in the bitter stage of after love, but I think I pulled through quite nicely. Luckily I've recently made some really great friends who keep the world in perspective. It reminds me that I am where I need to be. Well lately there's a bloke who has caught my fancy, which isn't hard to do mind you, but he caught it and is taking it for a run.

I'm excited to see where it goes, I know we all get caught up in the puppy dog stage where everything is great and nothing can go wrong...and sadly that's where it all goes wrong from the start. I'm trying to enter this with the leash held tightly, I want to stay in control and not to let feelings take off and lead me down the same path that I always follow. Bad dog.

I think forced events, jobs - school - busy schedules - different cities, will keep the reality of the situation in the forefront. Normally these would be things that would keep me from a relationship, if you don't have time for me then why should you be with me? But I'm realizing that that concept was retarded from the start, it's like playing blocks and trying to build that giant tower with a circle at the base...can we say topples? You can't control relationships. Period.

Change is good and healthy. I think one of the most unique things about me is that you have my trust from the start. I can look at you and tell if you're a good person or not (Pisces intuition) and it takes a lot for me to lose that trust in you. Most people find it intimidating, how can you trust someone you don't know? Look around...you trust in so much more than you let on. The food prep guy at McDonalds, the cashier at 7-11, the police who patrol the streets. Secretly you're trusting of everyone. You just have to learn to bring that to the surface and let it go. It's okay, I'm not expecting you to just start doing it, you'll do it in your own time and the great thing about life is that it's long and joyful, so there's time.

Anyways back to me :) It's weird when you meet someone that you like. You try to scan out all of the possible futures with that one person until you say what the hey...let's just see what happens. When you don't plan for the magic that's when the magic happens. Every smile is magical. And I long for the magic. My goal is to be me, through and through.

Soon we'll be found

It's a Sia kind of day, mellow but happy, tired but gratified, sublime. Sia is one of those artists that I can listen to time and time again no matter what mood I'm in. I find her music soothing and inspiring. Every song evokes certain feelings, and at times stirs in me something deeper than what I've felt before. If you haven't heard her you should definitely check her out.

I'm a bit sad over the possible demise of Escapeokc. Escape has provided me an outlet to write meaningful articles and have them published where I hope that someone can benefit from it. The articles I write are secretly titled "Memoires to myself", and they serve as reminders of the things that I've learned over the years. Think of it as a roadmap of how I got here.

Well I was pondering how am I going to be able to keep writing a new article every two weeks without ending up sounding preachy or repeating myself. Luckily I believe everything happens for a reason in our lives and something happened that hasn't forced my hand, but has left me with a moral decision to answer for myself. Let's explore what has happened without going into too much detail...

The publisher of the magazine has a personal feud with a guest writer. The guest writer doesn't follow the rules and ends up having his article never being published. The guest writer is angry and does angry things including sending emails to the publisher that aren't particularly nice nor flattering. The publisher then publishes one of the guest writer's emails causing a stir in the community and thereby in doing so changes the entire goal of the magazine. In essence he's made it acceptable to submit an article slandering another individual.

My morale dilemma: First I'll state that I'm not getting paid to share my ideas. I'm in it to help people and to write things that make people think. Second, I don't subscribe to drama, I really want to be a drama free zone and here we have drama being thrown in my face. Me being a writer for the magazine makes me feel like I have to choose a side thereby embracing the drama. I refuse to do so. I refuse to support a magazine that will slander someone else because the someone isn't happy with what was agreed upon. My opinion is that the publisher should apologize for publishing the email and telling the story. I truly believe that dirty laundry should be kept between the bedmates of those who made the laundry dirty.

Now I'm at a crossroads. I feel that I have contributed as much as I can to Escapeokc with my free thoughts. After that everything feels forced and unnatural, as in I'm taking on topics that I don't truly believe in. I refuse to write about something that I'm not passionate about. I knew that my time was drawing to an end, but am I done?

I think for now I am. I do not want to be associated with a magazine that isn't appreciative of the work that I do, that does not provide feedback to it's writer's so they can grow, and doesn't provide guidance on what the magazine is trying to become. I really don't want to be associated with a magazine that will use it's new found power to flame another individual. Read my stuff and you'll see that I'm about self empowerment and making the world a better place, and this latest drama is definitely taking it in a different direction.

So as Sia says "Let's not fight I'm tired can't we just sleep, tonight don't turn away it's just there's nothing left here, to say, turn around I know we're lost but soon we'll be found."

the update

I started this blog on my 30th birthday for several reasons. The first was that I needed an outlet to document my journey into manhood, which honestly I didn't think I would be able to keep up with. Secondly, I knew I needed a way to express myself in a way that was honest and pure...pretty much what you see is what you get with me and I have so much built up inside that sometimes words are the only way to express them. Third and last is to prevent the bottling up that I tend to do frequently. With the last one I can proudly say I haven't bottled anything up since I've started it. All three reasons have kept me pretty sane on this magical journey of 30 and I'm glad that I've started The Lazy Perfectionist.

To the readers: Thank you for reading. I honestly didn't, don't, expect anyone to read this. There is so much out there in the world that is interesting and so much that you could learn from. My hope is that if you do read this then you have hopefully learned something about honesty and expressing how you feel even when you don't want to. I'm huge into self empowerment, you can do it because the power is in you, and I hope that all of my writing is infused with the feelings that you can.

My update for 30 is just grand. I know that I'm a pretty happy guy all around, and even if I wasn't where I am now I would still be joyous in the things that I've achieved. It's humbling beyond words to realize that things are great and I've reached a spot where I can truly and honestly say that I feel whole and complete. My wish is that everyone can reach this zen state and live happily, but I know that it takes self awareness and only they can say when zen has entered into them.

Here's a picture update of the zen in my life. 5 major things that have changed me for the better:
Muffin - I got Muffin 4 years ago because I wanted a dog, and I was trying to replace one that I loved who ran away a year before (that should have been a hint). I wasn't ready for this dog, she was as hyper as I was (even more so) and she still is to this day. This is my patience tester...she day in and day out wears on me and pushes me to the brink. I have this silly little goal of breaking her and making her a good dog. Funny thing is that she is a good dog and she's the one who broke me. Major thing number 1 - teaching me patience.


Beyonce - Most of you know the story of Beyonce, she was running loose in an oilfield in Calumet where my bosses husband brought her home to me. She was raggedy and a mess. But I cleaned her up and gave her a home and she has been the best dog that I could have ever gotten. She taught me what true thankfulness is. Every day I can see in her one blue and one brown eye (creepy I know) how happy she is that she has a home and a steady meal and water and love to call her own. She will always be a reminder that if I can provide to those less fortunate I will do my best to do so.


My house - Casa de la Summers. Of all of the homes that I've lived in over the many brief periods through life this one is truly home. And I've lived in a lot of homes...a whole lot of homes. From a box to a house, it's like a rags to riches story for me, granted it wasn't a homeless cardboard box but you get the idea. This was the first transition that made me realize that I wasn't a kid anymore.


Bianca - I know I know get off the car already. I'll keep it brief - she is proof that you don't have to settle for something that will break down frequently leaving you stranded. She is proof that hard work does pay off and you can get what you want in the end.


Me - I saw a friend the other night when I was working at the bar. She came up to me and didn't asked how I was because she could see it on my face. She said, "Jason, you look great, you look happy, I can tell that things are going well for you and I am happy for you". Working at the bar has helped bring me out of my shell, it's taught me to talk to strangers where once that was taboo to me. It's taught me to own who I am and be confident in what I do, if I lost confidence then the bar would be a wreck!
I add me to the list because I've been working on myself for years as well, I'd been searching for the zen in life and I believe that I am on the cusp of finding it. I know I have a ways to go and I know that it will be a long road before I'm fully there, but I also know that I've made strides to get here. I will use my words to fight the wrong in the world and to bring awareness to those unaware. I will use my smile to disarm the angry and soothe the hurting. I will use my time to work for good. I will be the best me that I can be, because it's the only way that I can be. (didn't mean for that to rhyme) :)

Now if only I can learn to open my eyes in pictures so I don't look like I'm stoned all the time...that would be great :)

dis'n the old

I'm pondering the disposition of the old. Of any person in the world I believe I am the most proficient at ignoring what isn't present. In the realm of friendships I am exceptionally good at letting them go. This is sort of bad. But it's also sort of good. I believe that's how life is handled, period.
Day in and day out you are introduced to new and amazing people. What you choose to do with those people is completely up to you. They can be a chance encounter or they can become a life long friend. There's tons of people in the world and there's only one you. So the hardest thing to do in life is accept that you cannot have everyone. But you can always have you.
The great things about great friends is that there is never a parting point. Granted you could not see them for an hour, 3 weeks, or even months or years. But since there is no parting point they pick up right where you left off.
That's the way life should be. Take my kitchen for example. I bought paint 3 weeks ago. 3 days ago I frog taped the walls. Today, the kitchen is still not painted. But when I do paint it, it'll be happy to see me put it to use. I love my friends. :)