the aimless arrow

First off, I discovered Jay Brannon just yesterday from my buddy Stephen. Not only does he have a beautiful voice, but he's gay and is proud of who he is. He releases everything on Youtube so if you get a chance you should check him out.

This entire week has been drull. I don't know if it's vacation anticipation or if it's because the moon is sextiling with Venus in Libra (sounds dirty) or some craziness like that. But it doesn't just seem like it's me. Everyone seems just a little bit off. Well needless to say the depression monster has dipped his claws into my brain once again. It's okay, I think some forms of depression are healthy. Plus his name is Bill and he makes delicious tea.

Anyways, I feel aimless. I have all of these projects and things that need to be done yet I have no motivation to do them. Heck...I don't even know where to begin when I do get motivated to do something. I've gone on this rampage of buy buy buy and have neglected anything to do with maintain. I have a stable home yet I feel that I'm letting everything around it fall apart. That is by no means a comforting thought.

I'm hoping that it's all chalked up to the dry days of summer. Everything is dying outside and the heat is almost unbearable. This makes it hard to get motivated to do anything outdoors, heck it makes it hard to do anything period.

With a visit from Bill also comes a visit from phlegm build-up, allergies, and a cough. I think if I can get rid of Bill's homies then I can get rid of Bill. I just hope I can do it before the weekend, and if not at least before next week.

After all of these years of in and out relationships this song hits home. I'm pre-conditioned to be a housewife in many ways. I long for it sometimes. Don't get me wrong I enjoy being on my own and having it all to myself...I am in fact selfish in many ways. But what I miss is the direction, the honey do this honey do that. I need that direction. With it's vacancy I have no motivation to complete the tasks that I have before me. Backwards? Yes.