To say that I've had a hard life would be an overstatement. To say that life is hard is an understatement. To say that I've made some ridiculous choices in my life making it difficult would be correct.
To say that I regret any of it would be a lie. I regret nothing along the path that I've chosen. I have, however, become bitter at certain choices that I've made. It's that "doh!" moment, like why did I do that, what made me say that was the best decision for me, etc... But still I regret nothing because they made me who I am.
Currently I'm anti-relationships. For me, other people can go off and hold hands and make babies and all of that other gross stuff, but not this guy. In fact, if anyone mentions the thought of a relationship or even tries to bring it up with me I vomit immensly in my mouth. So for fear of asphyxiation and for the love of God please don't even consider this option.
So there is this like feeling that I experience from time to time. I recognize it because it kind of tickles when I talk to a certain person and then I get this big goofy smile on my face. Actually if I'm being honest with myself I kind of like quite a few people. My past tendencies were to "evaluate" whether they had potential in my life, often cutting down the red flags that would warn me of potential failure, and then shack up and force it to work.
Luckily I've broken through that delusional way of thinking. Luckily my like of these people have remained that, just likes. I like that things are the way they are and I know that if it changes I won't like that anymore causing dislike of the entire situation. So we're gonna keep it in the likes category as it's wholly more interesting, more freeing, and less time consuming.
I gots things to do bud. Seriously, I have a whole lot to catch up on in the world. Back in the relationship wanting days I would become smitten and lose myself in their world. Now in the barf at the thought days I have my own world to build, and the thought of allowing anyone access to come redecorate gives me a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. Oh how much better life would be if we were the sims with our little diamonds floating above our heads telling others how we feel. I think mine would be purple, meaning hey come chat but don't put your heart in it because that bitch is locked up in Fort Knox at the moment.
If I had a warning label it would read "don't feed Hulk", seriously...I love food and food is the way to my stomach which then leads to my pants...err heart. Double seriously you're only going to get yourself hurt in the long run. I have this selfish tendency to keep things about me and the problem with other people is that they want it to be about them. And they say Pisces are unselfish. After 12 years of crazy relationships and putting off self discovery it's high time that I do embrace selfishness.
If you look at me now and compare me to 5 years ago the differences would be remarkable. I was young and stupid and imagined that I had to be with someone to be happy. I am now old and stupid and imagine that I need no one to be happy. With age comes wisdom right? :) To the young folk that are currently looking for relationship poison I say this...Stop the Insanity! Take your time, grow up, become independent and get your shit together first...you'll thank me later! To the young folk who actually do have their shit together...kudos!
So I'm currently bitter. I'm very okay with that and in fact think that it's somewhat healthy. It's keeping me from embracing that ill fitting destructive behavior that I'm so used to. And it's allowed me to be free with who I am. Seriously, if you see me out I think you can tell how care free I've become...it's in my walk, my talk, and the way I interract with people. Viva la bitter yes?
The best bonus is this: This past weekend I've had the "pleasure" (barf) of seeing people who I know yet do not "like" or "approve of". In the past I would still attempt to "befriend" them and play nice because I felt that everyone deserved that. Well sirs I am no longer that way. If you add no value to my life then why should I attempt to force you into it? Deleted, drink spilled on, and flat out ignored times 5. So freeing to not feel forced into niceties...sooooo freeing.
Luckily I've broken through that delusional way of thinking. Luckily my like of these people have remained that, just likes. I like that things are the way they are and I know that if it changes I won't like that anymore causing dislike of the entire situation. So we're gonna keep it in the likes category as it's wholly more interesting, more freeing, and less time consuming.
I gots things to do bud. Seriously, I have a whole lot to catch up on in the world. Back in the relationship wanting days I would become smitten and lose myself in their world. Now in the barf at the thought days I have my own world to build, and the thought of allowing anyone access to come redecorate gives me a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. Oh how much better life would be if we were the sims with our little diamonds floating above our heads telling others how we feel. I think mine would be purple, meaning hey come chat but don't put your heart in it because that bitch is locked up in Fort Knox at the moment.
If I had a warning label it would read "don't feed Hulk", seriously...I love food and food is the way to my stomach which then leads to my pants...err heart. Double seriously you're only going to get yourself hurt in the long run. I have this selfish tendency to keep things about me and the problem with other people is that they want it to be about them. And they say Pisces are unselfish. After 12 years of crazy relationships and putting off self discovery it's high time that I do embrace selfishness.
If you look at me now and compare me to 5 years ago the differences would be remarkable. I was young and stupid and imagined that I had to be with someone to be happy. I am now old and stupid and imagine that I need no one to be happy. With age comes wisdom right? :) To the young folk that are currently looking for relationship poison I say this...Stop the Insanity! Take your time, grow up, become independent and get your shit together first...you'll thank me later! To the young folk who actually do have their shit together...kudos!
So I'm currently bitter. I'm very okay with that and in fact think that it's somewhat healthy. It's keeping me from embracing that ill fitting destructive behavior that I'm so used to. And it's allowed me to be free with who I am. Seriously, if you see me out I think you can tell how care free I've become...it's in my walk, my talk, and the way I interract with people. Viva la bitter yes?
The best bonus is this: This past weekend I've had the "pleasure" (barf) of seeing people who I know yet do not "like" or "approve of". In the past I would still attempt to "befriend" them and play nice because I felt that everyone deserved that. Well sirs I am no longer that way. If you add no value to my life then why should I attempt to force you into it? Deleted, drink spilled on, and flat out ignored times 5. So freeing to not feel forced into niceties...sooooo freeing.
Heh, well after playing with your fish tank for like an hour I get around to commenting. First, kudos on giving up on everyone playing nice. I want that to happen to and it sucks when it doesn't but it sucks even worse when I try to force it. I'm more of a smile (always) then disengage and ignore.
ReplyDeleteI think it's natural to go through a bitter phase. Hell, I'm married and I get all bitter from time to time. It's what you do with that time that makes a difference. You can either feel sorry for yourself or decide to make your life better. It sounds like you've chosen the latter. I like that I got to say kudos and latter in this comment.