I'd been riding the fence on a crush for a long time. I'm anti-relationship right now and have been for awhile...but this weekend I was tempted to take the plunge...well really I had convinced myself that I was just ready to get my toes wet (which is huge for me).
What had been holding me back were the red flags. They were tiny and little, but they waved in the wind calling my name. While having a grand time I couldn't help but notice them and I couldn't escape that they were there. Hence solidifying my resolve to remain uncommital.
But this weekend involved times that were beyond grand. I felt that the flags could be lowered and life could be made good. I was ready.
A job with the hand proved me wrong.
Allow me to be frank (writing is my therapy mind you). I understand that some people can't keep it in their pants. Hell, if you know me then you know that I'm very free in what I do. But I'm not one to play with multiples in the same day. It's seedy, it's deceitful, it's wrong.
I blame Tequila on the pouring of my heart. I keep that bitch locked up in the tower and refuse to let it out. But the drunken holder of the key forgot to lock the door allowing my heart to run free. And she cried with that freedom.
The figurative events to follow went like this:
Cinderella was whisked away by Prince Charming to his chamber leaving her shoes. Upon first light she returned to pick them up and make ready for the days events. She waits for her Charming to be ready as well, only he's slow...taking a time that was not suspicious at first. Charming and Cindy and crew take off for the all day ball where Cindy is swept away by his charms.
At one point Charming disappears without a word. No one can find the lost Charming and concerns flow throughout the land. Until the bird with the word begins to squawk and this is what he had to say, "Early this morning bright and cheery do I see a sight, Charming in his naked glory involved in a sword fight, with my roomie who'd been gloomy for Charming broke his heart, yet there he was in love and lust playing equal parts."
Cindy in her confused anger didn't scream or shout. She forced her heart back to the tower where she chained it to the wall. Bitter Cindy said harsh words when Charming came around. There was no use for any explaining as it was written on his face.
Talk about a bad romance. I got played by a very good player. The red flags were never going off about that, never did I have a clue that Charming could or would do such things. He was Charming...and I fell...and I got hurt.
I'm angry because you can't help who you like. I'm angry because I let my heart out for a bit. I'm angry because I shouldn't have.
I'm not ready for this hurt again. But I feel that I need it, it's a good reminder of what's left to do...which is everything. Yes I've cried tears, tears that aren't mending what's slightly broken. But life goes on and my life will only continue to get better as long as I keep making it that way.
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