stuck up

Knocking on my door is the overwhelming sense that I've become stuck up. I feel that the air I present is "too good". I am nothing but a peon who looks both ways before crossing the street, but when I cross I carry the aura of a tank and any who approach will be blasted away.

I keep trying to convince myself that it can't be so, it's not in my nature, I will talk to anyone about anything if given the chance. But therein lies the key: If given the chance. Why don't I make chance?

I'm on the verge of acceptance when it comes to this fact. I am who I am, I've been down a long hard road to get to where I am, isn't it time for me not to worry about that? But when my time is filled with empty promises and fleeting "how ya do"'s I just can't seem to accept that it's so.

I'm a little boy who wants to be the center of attention without having to be the center of attention. Twisted.

Must learn to enjoy the joy that is my life and those who bring it to me. Life is full of roadblocks and bumps and pitfalls and potholes, learn to be aware and the driving stays smooth, look away once and the going gets rough. That is my epiphany for the week.

I long for the sword of honesty to slice away the shackles that are self imposed.