Intent

This is by far not a representation of how I feel at this moment. We'll call this a treasure from the vault, a small capturing of feeling at one time in my life...one among a trove of many other such writings. Many are dark and depressing, and some are uplifting and freeing. But I hope in time to share most of them, because if anything...they are a part of me, a small part that helped me in times much darker and less happier than now, times that have defined me as a person.

Intent

The intention behind your conversation is driving me insane
so filled with hurt that I collapse at mention of your name
tearing down the walls I built after tearing them down again
I want yet fear acceptance of your misguided trust to win
I can't decide what's in your mind or who you want to be
leaving me so desperately...longing to be free

Intending to do me good by checking on my well being
while stabbing knives into my soul while I continue living
Trapsing over my defense built carefully inside
slipping softly around my shield I've nowhere left to hide
drag me down or lift me up but do it silently
I can't go on with bitter thoughts of what is done to me

Carefully I trudge along because I care for you
building up my stone cast heart so frequently misused
wishing on the falling stars with everything I do
hoping...desperately...for you to finally choose
while waiting empty handed here with nothing left to lose

Intent on being shadowed in my actions here today
whispering along the hollowed walls making towards your way
In fear and shudders do I take the solace that I'll need
you alone right next to me together we would be
yet smoke it lingers long enough to watch it fade away
the dream of being here with you is driving me insane

brick by heavy brick, cast by my own two hands
placed with such careful care, to guard this lost romance
keeping to myself at night speaking silent prayers
dreaming dreams of holding tight to having you right here