Fulfilled

Many people do things in life to fulfill a need or a want or a desire or a dream. I've been one for longer than I can remember who does things for others, yet never for myself.

30 is the year for me. I get to be more selfish in a selfless way. How does this make sense you ask? Hopefully I can explain this in a way that makes sense. It probably won't, but...it totally makes sense in my head.

I work at a bar serving and bartending. I put myself out there in front of people in several different ways to make them happy. Whether it's someone to talk to for a bit, someone to serve them great food with a smile and silly jokes, or whether it's to place myself in less than desirable (sp?) situations to allow one person to feel a bit better than themselves. This all makes me happy.

Talking is one of my favorite things to do. I used to be so afraid of strangers and the silliness that they speak. I was scared of general conversation and delving into topics where I'm unfamiliar. But I'm learning (and always will be) that conversation is great, and everyone has a story and a past and interests and a life that is completely different from my own. Working where I do I am in the front lines of learning about people and how to converse in any given situation. Selfishly this has been the best thing for me...I'm growing, I'm learning, I'm being a better person because I can listen and add value to another person's life with the information that I have learned. I long to speak to the next person I encounter now more than I've ever had before. This makes me happy.

I'm one of those people who, when the situation calls for it, will call over the manager and report the things that I find wrong with the service that I've received. Ask any person that I've dined with... Example: Bad service. Jason gets quiet. Jason gets "the look". Jason starts biting his lip...and may even get a bit red faced. Jason speaks to the manager tactfully. I truly believe that you as a person choose where you are in life, and if you choose to work in a food serving establishment then you should do that with all the joy you can muster. You, the wait staff, are there to make my dining experience as pleasurable as it can be. It doesn't take much, a smile, a little joke or a kind word, prompt service and constant attention. These are things you are paid to do, and girl that table that you are serving is WHO is going to pay you!

Granted, I don't need the job at the bar. I'm fortunate in life that I love what I do, even though it's boring and redundant. I've never been a server, I've never trained in food service, I've never worked at a bar. But even without that experience I will be the best that I can be. I love it, I smile, and it shows. My training consists of all of the bad service that I've had in my multitude of years in dining (I love me some food). I will never be that person who will make your dining experience taxing. I want you to have a good time, I want you to be the ones smiling as well, and I want you to come back. And as an added bonus I will even tell you the things I forgot to do, because I care...and you (the diner) are the trainer...believe it or not...YOU are in charge. Don't take crappy service, life is too short to be unhappy...eating (or drinking) should be a joy and the person serving you should contribute to that joy.

Go ahead and call me a whore now, because this section will be the raciest. I will whore myself out to get you to come back to see me, the staff, and the establishment. Granted, let's clarify real quick, you aren't seeing the goods. I'm not a hooker and I never will be. Just because I work at a gay bar does not mean that you are going to get lucky or be allowed to belittle me to make yourself feel better. I'm there for you, I'm there to make you happy, but there is a line. I smile and I flirt. And I'll let you smack my ass or see my chest and even touch it, if that makes you happy. First it makes me money, second it makes me feel good. *here's the selfish part* For the first time in a very long time I get to be the pretty one, I get to be the object of desire, I get to be the one who is wanted. With that said I really don't know how to deal with it, nor will I ever. I blush and smile my shy smile and usually run away. Part coy, part seduction. I've never been the one in the spotlight and I'm addicted to it. But, mind you, I still have a job to do. I'm like a whorish food serving bartending super hero. I have lots of people to make happy and I'm only one man. (I really hope this isn't coming off as I'm full of myself...because that would be the farthest thing from the truth.) So in closing on this section, if it makes you happy then do it...but don't cross the line and don't forget that the person you are doing it to is a person as well.

You can't have selfish without the fish (Pisces). Which I am and always will be a Pisces to the core. I'm learning to live life outside of my boundaries. And I'm loving it. Sometimes you just have to let go of what you know and jump into the deep end of life...you never know what you might find out about yourself, and about others.