Aye Carumba

It's October...already. Where did the time go?

I've entered month one of hell at work. If I want to be technical it started towards the end of last month and will last until the end of November...but who's really counting when hell is hell. Year end happened June 30 and now it's time to start publishing the Trust reports and our Comprehensive Annual Financial Report. These bad boys are beasts. And who does it fall on to maintain these projects? None other than yours truly.

I'm torn between being appreciative that I am secure in my position at work, while being horrified that I'm still doing something that I don't want to do. I know everyone encounters this during several points in their life so I am not going to really bitch about it. I will endure, continue to be an asset to the City and pray that one day a chance will fall in my lap that will rescue me. If you can't tell I love me some pipe dreams.

So where has the year gone? 6 months ago I started this blog to document my change and personal growth on this journey through 30. I think I've done pseudo well on the blog, as I could/should write more, and I've done extremely well in my personal life with the house/car/pets. But I wish there was more time. More time to spend with friends, more time to relax, more time to sleep (gawd I need sleep bad), more time to play, and more time to write. Of course everyone wishes for these things and more as well...so I'm not going to bitch about that either.

I ponder: I want to have a couple of friends over for dinner yet I don't want to cook the dinner...I just want to have friends over :P. I want to throw a Halloween party yet I know not when the best time would be. I want to see friends more yet the moment I get home I lose motivation on inquiring about their welfare and asking them to hang out.

I ponder: Do others think about their friends and think they should hang out before the day is over and the thought escaped them? Do others long for company yet want to have nothing to do with prep work as well? Do others love Halloween as much as I do? :)

My thoughts are jumbled. I realize now that the sanctity of my home (as it is a home now) is the black hole for motivation. It's so much easier to sit and drain my days away doing nothing or some miniscule task than to do something of value or spending quality time with friends. I sit staring in the face of the black hole and I long for things that I take for granted.

This too shall pass. Maybe it's the first touches of cold that Fall has ushered in, or maybe it's that I've done so much lately my body needs this brief time alone. So I fight the longing to do more while doing less.

Mind you, there will be a Halloween party...oh yes